Feelings of Being Connected
As someone that has walked alone most of my life getting adjusted to being connected is very different for me. These overwhelming feelings of others and their pain, joy, frustration and concern still catch me off guard. I have found myself fighting back tears many times unexpectedly. I have caught myself laughing out loud in happiness for people I do not know and have never met while listening to their stories. My feelings of compassion magnified beyond my own will. Then, I ask myself how did I ever live without these feelings. How did I live without being connected? I lived a successful life but an empty one. I was loved but did not understand pure love. I laughed but did not understand joy. Strangely enough the most joy any human can experience is the joy of others not your own.
I have always been a giving person but never truly understood the benefit of the act or words I may have said in the recipients lives. Now I do. Over my lifetime there have been many times I have seen others in need of a word, hug or maybe even some small change and instinctively I would give these things not knowing the effect they had on the unknown recipients. Now I do and it is life changing. When we do these things we inspire hope for the have nots. We give them a reason to keep going, to keep living and to keep pushing no matter what. What if that hand full of change you gave kept that person going enough to reach their goal? We cannot know where someone is in their journey. You never know what can inspire someone to reach their next step or rung on the ladder. So I give with no expectations. I allow my spirit to make the decision to give for me rather than ask a bunch of silly questions trying to determine their need or truthfulness. If I’m doing that then I am not truly giving because there is judgement. It is not my job to judge. It is my heart and soul that should speak not my logic.
For many years I would get off the train on my way to work and walk past the homeless. My feelings would be all over the place as I could feel each soul I passed knowing I had to do something. I could see they were in need. It tore at the core of my soul and being. I watched others pretend as if they did not exist and I was sad. The have nots dismissed as being insignificant and in the way. I was very young then and those moments made a great impression on my soul. So much so that I had to act. So I did. Living in a big city there is no shortage of the homeless in the downtown areas. Especially the subways and walkways. I began buying Subway sandwiches for them each pay day and I would distribute them on the way to the train. As I did so I looked each of them in the eyes and smiled, “This is for you…”. No judgement just love. Love I did not even know I had in me. Again, I could not willingly walk past these people and do nothing. I had to help in some way. What I did not realize is that in those moments there was great connection. I was aware but unaware of the effects of my act. It just seemed to me like the right thing to do. What if everyone that got off the trains with me did the same? What if everyone around the world thought the same? Those are questions I would ask myself as I went from person to person doing what I believed to be my small part.
It is the thank you’s from those souls that still fill me to this day. The smiles and great satisfaction I felt from them. I always left them with a short acknowledgement never taking credit. Even then I knew when I did not know that something greater than me was ordering my steps. I would tell them the same as I do to this day, “Thank your God. He that is greater than me.” I would reply as I walked away satiated. I had done my job. It is in those moments I experienced some of my greatest joy this life can offer. The joy of giving and loving those that may need it the most. All while I lived a bitter, angry, frustrated and yet successful life. There was still a huge chasm in my soul longing to be filled. Yet, somehow this gave me a peace I never signed up for but had to acknowledge. Another contradiction of self I would not explore until decades later.
Eventually, I began to understand to a lesser degree these feelings of great empathy, compassion and connection. Not quite as I do to this day and the square I’m on now but enough to know those feelings were good and I should embrace them. The homeless became my pet project. Something I took great pride in but never shared with anyone as I sought no credit for my actions.
Just do it!
Today I can look back on those moments with great joy knowing the Source is pleased. I did my job unwittingly or not. I did what was humane and decent and it is pleasing to all souls in the universe. It resonates into other realms as good. Maybe someone saw me and decided to make the deed part of their journey too. One can only hope.
Just remember, everything ripples.
