With All My Heart and Soul
For fifty two years of my life I was cut off from the Source. Unable to receive love or give it in the correct context. I was born with many gifts with music being the only one I could see for decades. Music came easy to me. So easy to me that there was a deep knowing even before I began formal training. In that small space in my mind everything was my normal. My natural habitat. I was free. But the rest of my spirit was in distress. That distress shutdown my ability to love, receive love and love others deeply. I could not escape it until many decades had passed.
I participated like most children in team sports and even excelled but I always felt alone even in crowded places. I could never understand why and eventually I just accepted it as being part of who I am. In spite of being able to thrive in social settings over time I became quiet. Especially around people I did not know. I was very cautious. Growing up with a parent in the entertainment business I saw many things and watched as my father kept people at arms length. I did the same. Always on guard. That scenario continued well into adulthood and middle age. During that time I noticed I was not like others my age. I had an affinity for words. A power over them beyond my age at the time. An understanding of how words can move others and take them places they had never been. Words became my friends as I continued my journey a loner. But I always had my music for comfort. I could play for hours and always looked forward to my lessons when the time came.
But why was connecting with people so difficult? Why was my only place of peace behind an instrument? Those were questions I could not answer in spite of trying with all my might to find the answer all the way into adulthood. How come others seemed so comfortable in social settings while I picked the chair farthest away from others to observe and be unseen? Yet, I could light up a room with my play as a musician and perform in front of audiences and bring them great joy at my whim. I was a walking contradiction of my own feelings. Sadly, as I grew into adulthood, I learned how to disconnect. In some ways it was good. I could recognize bad energy and immediately depart from those souls and scenarios. I had no time for nonsense. Even as a child these instincts were profound in my being. But loving others was an entirely different thing. It was difficult to love and receive love. I always preferred to be alone with very few exceptions other than my closest of friends and family.
I wouldn’t wish that existence on any soul.
Eventually, and with a lot of help, I was able to break down why I was closed off. My spirit unable to thrive and receive the love of others. I would learn how my light was covered in layers of pain and anger from my childhood. Layers that took years to peel off. But I kept going. I was desperate to get there. So I kept fighting through my issues and all that troubled me. I needed to find out how to allow my light to shine. After a few years I saw progress and stuck to the plan and all things around me began to turn green. My anger slowly melted into nothingness. Healing had begun and I began to feel for the first time in my life. Feel feelings I never knew existed. I was a middle aged man when this transition happened and still am. I was reborn and had to learn to live with this phenomenon called love. It was a foreign concept I still have a great deal to learn about.
As I experienced this new soul. This healed soul I now live in revealed more gifts. Powers hidden from me because my heart and soul were not connected. I became an even better piano player out of nowhere with a deeper connection to the instrument that I love. A better songwriter. A better record producer. The ease of being creative became even easier. I became enhanced and my knowing of all things became more profound and intuitive. My instincts more keen. All of these things happened once the universe was able to see my light. No longer covered a deeper love was poured into me beyond my ability to understand. But I instantly knew it was love and connection to the Source of all things. I was in the right place. No one had to tell me. I knew it. I felt connection to those I love that is deeper than it ever was at any time in my life. The same for those I did not know as well. I could feel their energy in a different way. Connect with people with a deeper empathy and compassion. Feel their pain and understand their fears when I would have normally been indifferent in my former life.
All of these things took place after what I now know to be my spiritual cleansing. Thankfully I learned that the Source cannot reach you until you take inventory and let go of this world and merge your heart and soul. The anger, frustration, disappointment, selfishness and greed we harbor must be discarded. Once you are able to complete this task you will be able to grow in love. You will live an enhanced existence beyond anything you ever imagined and it will fill you. It will be enough and in turn you will be connected to all souls in tune with the Source and able to receive love in doses you cannot get from this world.
Trust me. The love from the Source of all things is enough. Everything ripples.